The True Nanny State
Stephanie Lovatt - Victoria BC - March 3, 2005

The other day I happened to be reading an article called "We could vote away the nanny state" (Victoria Times Colonist, Feb 28, 05). It was about some reality TV tribe called the Ulongs and their contests with Korors. The author (Paul) didn't describe the men of these tribes too much, but the women got most of the attention. Some were athletic and possibly smart too, others were squinchy and nerdy. Others had no personality while a number of them were stupid and passive.

The adventures and attitudes of some were so upsetting for poor Paul that he started to imagine what if might be like if we lived in a Nanny State. Oh the horror of it. So Paul, I will give you a bit of insight on how a true Nanny State might look. Pour yourself a stiff one... you're going to need it.

First of all in a true Nanny State, a man would never be permitted to make the statement "I am wary of becoming a father" It would have been Divinely ordained beforehand that this was a man's natural function and to be wary about it would be holding God suspect, and a sin. A man's natural place would be in the home looking after the children while Nanny went out into the greater world.

The greater world would be set up in such a way that a men would find it hard to get any job except what a Nanny was above doing of course. He wouldn't get paid much as no use wasting good jobs on househusbands who will only end up back home when their Nanny has another kid for him to mind.

A man would be prevented by law from doing anything to avoid fathering any more babies even if his Nanny refused to provide for him. After a few generation he would lose heart on doing anything for himself anyway. He may even become stupid and passive like the women of the Ulong Tribe.

The Nannies would have a tremendous amount of power, legally and economically. Some of them would get so fat and bloated on the power that they would start to believe that the men and the children had nothing to do with them at all. They would prance about in Nanny uniforms with big pointy Nanny hats. They would become so obsessed with trying to outdo other nannies that they would become outright murderous. They would forget that people needed houses to live in or food to eat.

If any of the househusbands objected then they would be immediately bashed and told to shut up. After all, the Nannies were the only important people on earth now. Besides all the money was going for heavy equipment to outwit each other with. Machines such as the Happy Homemaker Mk 2 fully loaded prambulator with the ability to kill worlds, or the souped up Super Stroller Saracen model and sometimes even boats that would sink right away.

This is where things would start to come apart in the Nanny State. Some Nannies, angry and disappointed because of never having an authentic relationship with a househusband would roam the streets at night forcing men to have sex against their will and sometimes even killing them. This was tolerated under Nanny law. These were the storm trooper Nannies who kept men at home out of fear of violence.

Because they performed a useful community service, they were hardly ever charged with their deeds. The writing starts to appear on the wall however when Househusbands start getting wind of the fact that they have been taken for suckers and begin to refuse to make babies. Meantime the Nannies, now completely gone mad at the prospect of turning the entire world into a Nanny State, would do, say, print, or depict any manner of Blarney to try and cover their tracks. They would have to set up Nanny State funded programs to implement some damage control and to attempt to quell the growing social unrest.

But by now most Nannies were accustomed to their position of privilege and power and didn't want to give it up. They virulently blamed the househusbands for being ingrates and just didn't want to share. The only option for the Nannies was to ruthlessly crush, ridicule and brutalize any man that got in their way. After all, wasn't it all the unpaid labour of the househusbands that had the Nannies living in clover. This was our right! the Nannies all bleated in unison . "What would replace this kind of a system where a full half of the populace could live practically off the other" the Nannies would cry before they blew everyone to smithereens as everyone knows that a Nanny in a Nanny State always has to have the last word.

Well Paul, it's all been done before old chap. The only difference is, it was called a Daddy State and you live in it.

Yours Truly, Stephanie Lovatt